No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
