remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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