so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
