YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize