you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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