Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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