Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
