I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
