Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
