I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
