i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
