After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
