I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
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I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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