half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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