Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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