he shaved USA in his pubs
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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