Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
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I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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