So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
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I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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