Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Panties = found
Randomize
