The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
