I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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