just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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