We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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