I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
