would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
