Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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