I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
id be glad to
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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