tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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