why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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