I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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