And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
