Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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