We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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