I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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