So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
