the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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