new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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