i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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