I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
