Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
