Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize