So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
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should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
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Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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