whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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