We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
