walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
