john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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