Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
