those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
