We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
