You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
