My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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