I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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