i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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