so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
