and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
