I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
