Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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