fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize