i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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