Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
