Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
