she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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