please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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