Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
