Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Randomize
