i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
