Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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