Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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